Here's to a new week....
Ya wanna know what kind of sucks. I think entirely too much. When i say too much, i mean i have written 8 different entries for this post and have deleted all of them. Yeah, i know i'm crazy.....its all good. I'm trying to find a way to keep me from analyzing everything to death. I need some sort of distraction. Too bad i can't run.....that usually helps. Right now though, i realized that i had kind of a shitty week. I hate telling anyone my problems....cuz hello....MY problems.....why should you hear about them? But at the end of the week i see that all my positivity has gone out the window. Crutches suck. Like hardcore suck. I guess i can say that this will be another learning experience. Now i greatly appreciate the able to walk. Plus its kinda lonely. I have to sit on my ass all the time. People are nice and all because they want to do things for me. But the problem is....they all have to leave me to get things for me. Which leaves me, well, with me. I hate that. That may be one of my biggest fears.... being alone. Ya know its not like i'm expecting to be married in 5 years, or ever for that matter. Yet, the idea of people leaving me scares the shit out of me. Its inevitable that people come and go, i just don't want to accept it. I like things the way they are. Maybe the reason i'm scared of falling in love is because i would be leaving my normal way of life. I spend almost every waking hour with people who mean so much to me. If i were to add another person into the mix, things would change. I'm not saying that i would only be with the one i'm in love with. Just the opposite in fact. No one here has ever seen me with a boyfriend. I don't need attention and affection every minute of the day. I like to have a boyfriend that doesn't smother me and require updates of who i'm with and where i'm gonna be. I have been cheated on before. I will NEVER cheat on a boyfriend. I know that trust is always an issue. I have a serious problem trusting ANYONE, no matter who they are. But if a guy is really worried about me going out to a party and having sex with a random guy, then we shouldn't be together in the first place. He obviously wouldn't know me at all. So far, those are the only kind of guys i have found. I'm pretty sure i have given up on finding a guy. Most guys either want to get into my pants, or they want to marry me. I'm not looking for either one. So if you're one of those guys, friends it is. I may sound crazy. But i'm just being honest. I'm not gonna tell you all the bad things that have happened. And i KNOW that i will never remember all the good times this week.....ruling at beer pong, playing WTF, a bomb-diggity room, and the coolest friends a girl could ask for. Night for now. I'll catch you tomorrow. Without a doubt, it will be an even better day.
posted by Andie @ Monday, September 20, 2004
Comments: 1
