This is me.

clean.

"This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go."
-T. Roethke, 'The Waking'

at some point you just have to accept your hurt and vulnerability and walk away from what hurts you that you cannot fix. and even if its your own hand that holds you, you won't be without someone to hold onto. i'm allowed to feel down. and upset. and i'm allowed to show it. my dad was never big on listening. so i learned to be good at pretending things were ok. i think that's why i hold it in. because i don't want the people i love to abandon me. and so now i need to keep reminding myself that its okay to feel down. something can be learned from this. i need to stop hurting myself. i'm going to find someone who's willing to listen to me.

posted by Andie @ Tuesday, March 06, 2007 Comments: 0

The More Loving One... by: W.H. Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

posted by Andie @ Friday, March 02, 2007 Comments: 0