This is me.

away.

i think after i graduate i'll move far away from here. i'm not sure where yet. east coast. maybe outside the us. its time for me to leave.

posted by Andie @ Friday, September 29, 2006 Comments: 1

my perfect men.

posted by Andie @ Saturday, September 23, 2006 Comments: 0

"and there was never any place, for someone like me to be totally happy"

i've dug down so far into this hole of disappointment that i've started to stop caring. which is weird. usually, i'm overly critical and analyze everything. but i've come to the point where i'm so beyond letting people get to me, that i don't give a fuck about anything anyone's doing anymore. probably because i'm sick of feeling like everything's my fault.

people love to assume and make so many judgments that i've decided to stop being around people all together. no matter how hard i try, i fuck everything up. most of the time i have no clue i did anything wrong until someone's mad at me. apparently its MY fault for not tracking them down to tell them every detail of what's going on in my life. but the funny thing is, no one else tries AT ALL. its a two way street. where's the positive reinforcement? i already know my decisions are all wrong. so why bother trying anymore? when did being a friend require so much stress? friends are supposed to love, support, and be there for you.

college was my way out of home. away from all the criticism and never being good enough. its 100x worse here. as soon as i get back up someone beats me down again. for the record, i won't be getting up anymore.

posted by Andie @ Thursday, September 07, 2006 Comments: 2

losing the battle.

things got bad. and not in that woe is me kind of way. but actually bad. and i wish people would say the things they're supposed to say, and its all just bullshit when ALL you want is for a pair of arms to wrap around you and hold you tight. and here i am, having never felt quite as alone as i do now.

life gets so intolerable. you want someone to make those life changing decisions for you. because it feels like every choice you make is the wrong one. its all too much on those days where you'd prefer to bury your head in the sand until you have something tangible to hate. and until then no words, nor smiles or stupid jokes will help. just a pair of arms.

and you despise them when they try. and you hate them when they don't. that's just your prerogative. i don't care who you are or what you have to say. just be here and put your arms around me, and let me feel what i feel. even if it hurts. even if it means nothing to you. let it mean something to me. because nothing means much of anything right now

posted by Andie @ Sunday, September 03, 2006 Comments: 1