"and there was never any place, for someone like me to be totally happy"
i've dug down so far into this hole of disappointment that i've started to stop caring. which is weird. usually, i'm overly critical and analyze everything. but i've come to the point where i'm so beyond letting people get to me, that i don't give a fuck about anything anyone's doing anymore. probably because i'm sick of feeling like everything's my fault.people love to assume and make so many judgments that i've decided to stop being around people all together. no matter how hard i try, i fuck everything up. most of the time i have no clue i did anything wrong until someone's mad at me. apparently its MY fault for not tracking them down to tell them every detail of what's going on in my life. but the funny thing is, no one else tries AT ALL. its a two way street. where's the positive reinforcement? i already know my decisions are all wrong. so why bother trying anymore? when did being a friend require so much stress? friends are supposed to love, support, and be there for you.
college was my way out of home. away from all the criticism and never being good enough. its 100x worse here. as soon as i get back up someone beats me down again. for the record, i won't be getting up anymore.
posted by Andie @ Thursday, September 07, 2006
Comments: 2
