you.
i wanted you to be there for me. but every time i tried you kept stepping away. trust ensues if you trust me first. i'm too scared to be me. giving up on us was the hardest thing. i thought you didn't want me. and its hard to keep trying when i feel like i meant nothing more than the rest. i would have worked harder, if i had realized. i can only stay lonely for so long before i go searching for someone to save me. you are a better savior. sorry i was too impatient to wait. i know i have no more chances.
something old.
its all in their faces. and i'm crying in my room. all i can muster is "its been a long week." for all that we try, we take for granted that sometimes trying is all you can do. all i can do is say i'm sorry and fold my hands and count to ten. try to summarize. try to explain myself, even though i know i don't need to. so, why am i apologizing?
it has...it has been a long week. the longest week. a week full of life-times and eras and errors and errs. i look out from my life, feeling like some underlying theme is out there. a subliminal message. someone just barely humming along. but i have no idea what it is. i try to deny myself my pain. the tears are not my own and i act as though they are someone else's. its not a big deal. i try to trivialize my life, my problems. to make room for the bigger picture that just keeps getting bigger. sometimes there's just too much to summarize. i don't want to leave out important people and things. but its all too much for me right now. i just fold in half, so easily. give up, lose control to those forces around me. yet, the people i thought i loved, try to control me the most.
its been a long week. its been a long year. i need time to breathe. for now, i'm leaving this house that's feeling more and more like a home, in this city that's feeling less and less forgiving. no turning back. please forgive me, forget me.
