This is me.

somewhere to let go...

i think a lot about my life. and how my life is changing. everything changes and its out of my hands. even when i'm closing my eyes, now matter how hard i try to hold on.

i try and catch myself letting go because its so hard to let the things you love pass by. stopping myself from saying goodbye, knowing its easier to just leave it and pretend these wonderful things never existed. waving goodbye to all the things i let myself spread so thin. so thin that i'm not sure there's really anything left to call my own.

but i let go. of all the things i love. because i would rather everyone else be happy than me. because i'm not sure i can make anyone really happy and i try so hard it ends up hurting me more than i ever imagined. on my better days, i realize that maybe these things were never really mine in the first place. and that makes it all the more depressing.

my life is in turmoil. everything around us is changing and in such ways that it is completely out of our control. more often now, than ever before in my life, i have found i must fight for what i believe in. in the end, its my passion that creates my downfall and my passion that destroys me. though all these hard times, the only person who will listen is you. so you have to listen to your heart and your head and decide, because no one else can decide your life for you. its too much of me for anyone to want to listen to it anymore.

we are changing. and letting go. because we cannot hold on forever. we need to fight for what we believe. sometimes we have to give up what we want for the sake of those around us. sacrifice is necessary to make people happy. and if i have to endure as a result, then suffer i shall. right now i know i cannot be selfish enough to be happy. i will find a time to live for me.

i think about the life i'm living. and how things are changing. how the things that change are completely out of our hands sometimes. what i force myself to believe just to get by. all the things i can't seem to get my head around.

i think i may leave for greece next week. school has become so overwhelming. i have found that all the important things i once knew are gone now. so i need to search for some importance. i can graduate later. its not like i'm leaving forever. maybe you'll see me again. and i'll be an entirely new person.

posted by Andie @ Wednesday, February 14, 2007 Comments: 2