This is me.

we accept the love we think we deserve

I think I am scared of being alone. Most of the time I feel undeserving of peoples affections and care. When I'm really unhappy, its almost like I've run out of love. Not that people don't really love me, just that I haven't done enough for them to love me, so I don't merit it. Its so easy for me to be self critical. Though I say that things will be okay, I am deceiving myself. Is there such thing as loving someone too much? Why is love such a deceptive thing? Who knew that loving a person would hurt so much? One of the hardest things to hear is that someone does not love you anymore. No one means that though... people really mean to say that their love for you has changed. We do not lose love for another person. There is no such thing. I love the quote, "there are as many forms of love as there are moments in time." Love in its most greatest form is seen when the love between two people is mutual. It may be friendship, or passion, or commitment, or security. One cannot say that the love between them is not real. For them it may be...others just do not know what its like to feel that way. The most distressing kind of love is when you truly love a person, with all you heart and all your soul...and they in no facet express any love to you. Deep down I believe we all have some form of "love" for each person we meet, we just do not know how to let the other person know. Some express this love by action, others by words, and even by their presence alone. We as a culture do not show people that we love them nearly enough. It almost seems taboo for people to tell one another that we love them. Though it is okay to accept love as something almost religious in nature, we do not realize that love is so much more than that ideal concept. When I meet people, I try, as hard as it is sometimes, to find the positive in them. It may just be their warm smile, or affection towards friends, or the way they explain things to others. Most people have multitudes of positive things about them; the hard part is acknowledging that deep down everyone is good. Doing this does not mean that you have to love everyone. It gives us however, a feeling of closeness to the world around us. By knowing that deep down we all have love within us, makes us human. There should be no discrimination or judgment of love. We do have to be careful when we confuse love because it is a hard concept to understand. Love is not a tangible object, how we express love can be concrete but not the true essence of love. It is felt differently by everyone because no one experiences love in the same way. Nothing is beyond the stronghold of change. Seeing that we are not omnipotent beings, we cannot control everything that goes on in our lives. I have not yet realized that just because this is the way I look at the world that, I am not alone, but not everyone holds the same belief. That is why I think my heart breaks when I do not get the responses I desire from people. I know that I should never expect something as whole-hearted love from another human; my heart just wishes that everyone had the ability. And I think they do. Right now, I'm workin' on it.

posted by Andie @ Wednesday, April 13, 2005 Comments: 0